I was first diagnosed with an eating disorder when I was 17, but it took me many years before I took the diagnosis seriously. I had all the signs that pointed to bulimia and compulsive overeating as well as many anorexic traits, although my lowest weight never went below 103, which is just the lowest end of my normal weight range. I still starved myself and had anorexic rituals, but because I was never really underweight, I didn't think that term applied to me. I also didn't think bulimia applied because I only made myself throw up a few times. I used laxatives often and ate foods purposely that would serve as laxatives, but again, I wasn't the "classic" bulimic (to me the it wasn't bulimia if I wasn't throwing up all the time), so I didn't think the diagnosis fit. I'm not sure who ever gave me the license to self-diagnose, but of course I thought I knew me better than anyone else did. I could not deny that I was a compulsive overeater. I knew I was. I just didn't think the amount of starvation and purging I was doing were enough to call eating disorders. What I learned over the years was that there are no "classic" cases. Everyone is individual and our reasons for why we don't eat or eat too much are individual. But, they are all eating disorders, and they all stem from something much deeper than wanting to be skinny.
From my early teens up until age 40, I went through life terrified to look in the mirror. In my opinion I was never thin enough, which meant I was never good enough. There were deep rooted reasons for this insecurity that went back to early childhood, but regardless of why I felt the way I did, I knew I had to make a change. It just took a really long time to realize that I had the power to make that change and that I had to stop blaming the past and society for my problems.
The major turning point for me came in September of 2009. I have always had serious lower back problems, but between 2007 and 2009, I went through a lot of personal things that caused me to be very depressed. With that depression I gained a lot of weight, which put more pressure on my back. The more pain I was in, the more depressed I got, the more weight I gained. I was my heaviest weight ever and the cycle just kept going. I had no idea how to get out of it.
In September of 2009 I went on my first cruise. It was an 8 day cruise to the Caribbean. It was an amazing vacation, but I was in such severe pain from my back that I could barely walk more than five minutes without having to sit down. I was heavier than I had ever been and with severe pain and all that extra weight, being in 110 degree temperatures was a nightmare. I couldn't even get off the ship at two of the five ports we visited on the cruise because the pain was so bad. It was then that I decided I was done. I was going to get healthy if it killed me! I started really being conscious of what I was eating and doing what little exercise I could and the weight started to come off. I also had conversations with two different friends about weight loss surgery and seriously considered that option but knew I just had to give it one more shot on my own.
Fast forward to February of 2010. I had become good friends with someone who was a Beachbody coach and who was on his 5th round of P90X. I really wanted to try it but knew that physically my back was not strong enough for something so intense. I had lost weight but the pain was still bad. My friend suggested Slim in 6, because it was a program geared more towards people who needed lower impact or who were just getting started (or restarted) working out. I ordered the program and started slowly. I could only do 20 minutes at a time to start and only a few times a week. I swam on the other days because my back felt no pain in the water. I had a few setbacks with illness and a knee injury, but I kept at it, never giving up and eventually I got through the full program. By June of 2010 I was down more than 20 lbs from the start of Slim in 6 and feeling great! I started P90X at the end of June and now I'm on round 3. I have lost over 50 lbs now since my journey with Beachbody started ( I know I lost more weight in the months prior to starting SI6 but I don't know exactly how much) and I'm healthier and happier than I have been in years, and maybe ever.
Right around the time I started P90X, I also started drinking Shakeology which is when I became a coach. I started coaching only for the discount but as I lost more weight and got healthy, people noticed and wanted to know what I was doing. I realized that I could really help others and make a difference in their lives just like Beachbody and my coach did for me. I have never looked back, and I never will. I can't begin to put in to words what a good feeling it is to know without a doubt I will never, ever go back to that life.
